| ||
| ||
|
Grief & Loss Information | |
|
|
You Have to Show Up: On Small Miracles (Okay, maybe not so small)
I hadn't intended to go to my cousin's funeral. That sounds terrible, I know. And if I had chosen to focus on the 18 year estrangement of various factions of my family from each other and my own 15 year estrangement from my uncles (hey, Greeks are a war-like people, what can I say?), I could have patted myself on the back for the fact that I had gone to the wake and let it go at that. But if you knew the littlest thing about me, you would know that I recognize an inner dragon when I see one. And, once I see one, I have to slay it. It's a sacred covenant I have with myself. And, should I get tempted to walk away from a soul-defining battle, I have some very powerful people watching my back. Powerful people who won't let me slack off. Powerful people who say just what I need to hear to remind me of how powerful love is and the miracles that can unfold when we Show Up. To prepare to attend the wake, I visited with my dear friend and spiritual Rock of Gibraltar, Mike Schwass, (http://www.dontblamethegame.com). He shared with me some of the last conversation he had with his dear friend, Blackhawk's Keith Magnuson a month before he died. You have to show up. Just your presence can be so powerful. You have to show up. Mike has a way of planting seeds in my head that grow...and grow...and grow. Guru-types are like that. This brought me to a lesson from an anonymous reader at my blog this week: You can criticize or you can educate. "Anonymous reader" chose to criticize my falling prey to a pervasive myth on Chinese calligraphy interpretation but never gave the slightest clue to how I could correct my path. All I got was, "sorry, you are wrong, seeya." Thankfully I am naturally inquisitive, so I was inspired to do research and enjoyed learning more. However, I could just as easily been hurt, embarrassed and defensive at being publicly defrocked as my unwitting blunder was exposed to my readers. But since I also believe everyone is a Buddha here to teach me something I paid attention to what was really happening here. You can criticize or you can educate. The biggest reason I was going to avoid the funeral was due to my own belief that everyone in my family was going to do it wrong. That it would be a fiasco. That my grudge-holding family, in the midst of chaos and tragedy would just pour fresh gasoline on fires which had been smoldering for 18 years and I didn't want any part of it. No, I just wanted to sit in the woods and meditate and not be soiled by the whole thing. Not be irritated. Tempted to jump into the fray. Resurrect my Greek Evil Eye. You have to show up (you big weenie). The truth is I did know how to show up. Sure, there is something familiar about being pissed at my family. It's just so easy. And, face it, anger is energizing. Gossip has a certain seduction to it. There's momentum. Criticism is so easy. But love is more powerful. Yes, it's a harder place to hold. It takes work. It takes a conscious conviction to stand for love when there are so many temptations to blame, to judge, to criticize. It's easier to walk away. It's easy to walk away until you realize that your very integrity is on the line. I'm either walking the talk or I'm not. I'm either adding to the love or I'm adding to the pain. I'm either criticizing or educating. You have to show up. Just your presence can be so powerful. You have to show up. I showed up. I'm here to tell you that my 15 year estrangement from my uncles has ended. We talked. And hugged. And the one that was most difficult to reach, who has been estranged from the entire family for 18 years accepted an invitation to come to my home next weekend. He even came out to the parking lot as I was about to drive away to make sure I knew the best route home. My uncle's laughter is one of my favorite sounds of all time. It's brilliant and silly and mischievous and infectious. It is the sound of everything that was ever right and good in my family. And next weekend, his laughter will fill my home. Laura Young is a personal development and business coach. She is a contributing author to A Guide to Getting It: Purpose and Passion and Become Your Own Great and Powerful: A Woman's Guide to Leading a Real, Big Life. She has recently been featured on By, For and About Women and Artists First Radio. To learn more about her, visit http://www.wellspringcoaching.com To visit Laura's blog, visit http://antwatching.blogspot.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Grief-Loss - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Loss Involves Change - The Transformative Power of Loss and Change There are many experiences in life, which remind us that change is an inevitable part of living. We then have to choose to either to resist this process or look for new ways of finding meaning in our lives. Online Monument - An Ever-lasting Tribute to Your Departed Loved Ones Memories are never to be buried along with the loss of our very loved ones. To be forever remembered as someone whom we always love, they always should be. Grief Support: The Don'ts 1) Don't try to make the grieving person feel better. YOU CANNOT. In the Blink of an Eye Today's Quote: "My house is burned down, but I can see the sky." Sally Reed, cancer survivorThirty five years ago this weekend, my father died. How to Turn Grief into Joy I was with my daddy when he died. Excuse me, I was with my daddy when his spirit left his body. How Can I Transform Tragedy? There is only one place where tragedy occurs, and that is in the mind. Tragedy may appear to you on the physical level, however, it is the enormous power of your mind that creates the pain and separation you feel, from Love, from God, from Life itself when you listen to what your egoic thoughts are telling you, rather than listen to the voice of pure love, which can ONLY come from God, Holy Spirit, Divine Source. The Walking Wounded When my phone rang the other day, it was a call from one of the "walking wounded," not unlike many that I have received during the years I have been interacting with the bereaved. I have often spoken with people who are feeling much like this caller was. You Have to Show Up: On Small Miracles (Okay, maybe not so small) I hadn't intended to go to my cousin's funeral.That sounds terrible, I know. Suicide in the Church Part 1 Recently, several suicides have occurred right here in my own hometown of about 16,000 people. The latest of these involved a friend of mine who was, among other things, the leader of a Christian Business Fellowship which I attend. Dying On the Inside: A Childs Grief The impatient tooting of a car horn startled us into awareness. No one had thought beyond making it through the grievous night. Grief If you have ever lost someone dear to you it is likely that you can still summon up the grief that you may still be carrying deep inside yourself as a result of the loss. If this grief, which is usually felt as a deep saddness, is something that you would like to clear in yourself then you may find some hope here. How to Cope with Anticipatory Grief Anticipatory grief is the name given to the mix of emotions experienced when we are living in expectation of loss and grieving because of it. Anticipatory Grief is particularly relevant to those who have received a terminal diagnosis and for those who love and care for them. Dying at Home - A Precious Gift Few of us care to think about the inevitability of our own demise. We except that we are not immortal, however for the most part, we are successful in putting thoughts of our own death from our mind. Guilty, Your Honor: The Burden of Guilt After a Suicide Guilty, Your Honor, I whisper.Have you ever done anything so horrible that you would prefer to hide in a dark closet for the rest of your life than have someone find out you did it? Have you ever done something so bad that even remembering what you did causes you to hyperventilate and shake?I have. Who has the Worst Pain During the 28 years I have been interacting with bereaved people, one of the most frequent questions I have been asked is, "Who has the worst pain?" Do bereaved parents suffer more than widows and widowers? Do children whose parents die feel more agony than children who lose a sibling? Is it harder to watch a loved one suffer for a long time before death releases the victim than it is to answer the doorbell or the phone at midnight and suddenly hear the news of tragedy? Is suicide worse than homicide? Is the death of an "older" child more difficult to grieve than the death of a newborn or infant?If there were one, clear and definitive answer to those questions, grieving could be neatly catalogued and mourners could be organized into convenient categories. Our comforters and caregivers would then be able to select from a predictable menu of helps, and everyone could get "healed" more quickly and efficiently. Whats It All About? For most people life is a fairly ordinary existence - and when I say ordinary I mean a contented, 'far from perfect' way of life. And that's okay? until something major happens to rock the boat. The Twists and Turns of Life When I was born in 1962 I thought life was good. I had two parents, a twin sister, and an older brother. Grief I didn't know a heart could die before it stopped beating. I didn't know a life could cease before it stopped breathing. Dads, Life, and Death When he looked at me, it was clear my father wasn't sure who I was. And as I looked back at him, I wasn't sure who he was, either. One Stray Tear The delight lit my face as the couple turned the corner into the hallway where we stood in lively conversation. I threw my arms open wide, ignored the cell phones plastered to their ears, greeted each of them, first the husband then the wife who followed slightly behind him.
|
| home | site map |
| © 2006 |